Diary of a Doctor’s Wife: Just Married and Alone (1)

What is it like being the wife of a doctor?

Well, it depends on where in the world you are and what your doctor other half is doing. For me, it’s learning how to be an adult on my own (I never lived away from my parents before getting engaged) and being OK being completely alone. I’m an only child, so I’ve had a ton of practice.

When I first moved out of my parents and in with my fiancé (now husband), he was working in a different city, 2 hours away. Now, I know this technically isn’t really that far, but this meant that I didn’t get to see him every day, sometimes I didn’t get to see him for almost 2 weeks if he was working weekends. This resulted in me learning how to live on my own for the first time which was actually really exciting. A couple months into living on my own, my other half’s new job rotation brought him to a city that was only a 50 minute drive away; this meant we could live together J. He would stay at this location for one year.

Fast forward to today.

Today, we have been married for almost two months. We are newlyweds, and both living alone; he moved out to that same city 2 hours away after just being married for 2 weeks. Sucks right? But such is life.

I ask the question again, what is it like being a doctor’s wife?

A quote I read a while back perfecty sums it up…

Yes, he’s working

No, I don’t know what time he’ll be home

Yes, we are still married

No, he’s not imaginary

I saw this on tumblr for an ‘Engineers wife’s’ t-shirt a while back, but thought it also applies to doctor’s significant other.

On a side note, there’s something I noticed growing up…

I noticed that there was this positive culture around woman dating doctors, especially in the media. I’ve never understood it and I’m not sure I fully will. Yes, his job is something to be admired but this culture often forgets about the other half, the other half that is left to hold the fort own their own!

Back in the day when I told my friends the guy I was dating was a medical student, I would be showered with responses of ‘oooohhhh’ ‘a future doctor, so cool’, ‘jackpot’! My response was typically ‘yeah’, ‘sure ok’, ‘cool’.

Our life at the moment is greeting each other on a Friday and saying see ya later on a Sunday. Every Sunday, I anxiously await for his text that says he’s arrived safely at his accommodation after his drive back. Let’s be real, I worry a lot and imagine scenarios in my head where he goes missing or gets into a horrific crash.

Now, before you think I’m being paranoid (which I totally am), crashes happen all the time…people die all the time on the roads so it stresses me out…I’ve even been involved in one major-ish collision myself…but that is a story for another time.

Long story short, I will always worry.

Luckily, he’s in his first year of specialist training so he has no on calls (aka doesn’t work weekends so fortunately, he can come home each weekend). Unluckily, this also means that he has received a massive pay cut. Oh well, that’s life.

Yes I know he will be back at the end of the 3 months, but having him for less than 48 hours per week is not enough, I want more. But you see, when he finally comes home, he will only be here for 3 months and then he is back out again for another 3 months, 2 hours away.

Now that we aren’t falling asleep and waking up next to each other, we have returned to our pre-living together messaging routines of good mornings and good nights. Alongside the little messages we send each other randomly throughout the day. It’s kind of nice, reminds me of when we were dating.

Now living alone isn’t all bad, it’s given me the opportunity to do more me things, like write more, have a binge Netflix spree and eat dinner whenever I want to. If I want porridge for dinner at 9pm? You damn well bet I’m having porridge for dinner at 9pm. To be fair, I still do this when he’s home, except the porridge would be a bedtime snack and not my dinner.

That’s the life of a doctor’s wife, at least sometimes…

Hope you enjoyed reading this!

Instagram: miss.cairou

 

 

 

15 Comments Add yours

  1. floatinggold says:

    I’m sure it can’t be easy.

    Like

  2. Leeanne says:

    Wow, that does sound harder than I would’ve envisioned. I’m sure that you two enjoy those weekends though!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading :). We do enjoy the weekends! Only 2 weeks left until he moves back!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. If you’re stuck for dinner ideas, I recommend fish finger sandwiches. Minimal effort, minimal washing up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nice! I really HATE washing up! Oooh fish finger sandwiches, maybe I could chuck in some crisps/potato chips? Some nights when I’m super lazy, I’ll cook some ramen. And to be ‘healthy’ I’ll throw in some sliced cucumbers.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Slicing seems like hard work.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m glad you appreciate my struggles

          Liked by 1 person

  4. ruthsoaper says:

    For the first 15 years that my husband and I were together he worked as a sailor on the Great Lakes. He would be away from home for at least three weeks but up to three months at a time. It is a lifestyle that many people can’t understand. And judging from the high divorce rate among sailors not many marriages can survive it. I have had women say “It must be nice” when they heard he was away. I also had one say “it must be a lot more work for you” when he was home. Are you kidding?? I would do everything and anything for him when he was home because I loved having him home.
    I know the worry factor you talk about x 100 because I rarely new where his job was, simply put, dangerous. Being available to take his calls whenever he got a phone signal and time to call was a priority then as was spending as much of his home time together.
    The thing that kept me hanging on was knowing that when he was away he was working to provide a good life for our family. He was doing it out of love.
    Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, you are so strong! 15 years is a very long time. I agree, I’ve heard women say that it must be nice having time to yourself, but the extended time is just longer than I would like! Agreed, I love having my other half home too, and I just want to catch up any time we lost. Thank you for sharing your experience, I feel a kinship with people who share this kind of experience 🙂

      Like

      1. ruthsoaper says:

        It really took both of (our marriage) being strong. It was probably harder on him than it was on me. Here is a quote we posted on our fridge.
        “Absence diminishes commonplace passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and kindles fire.”

        François de la Rochefoucauld

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That’s a really nice quote! :D. Yes I find sometimes that it’s harder on my other half too, as he is the one that is leaving whereas I still have the comforts of our home. Thank you for sharing you experiences, it’s very insightful.

          Like

  5. I totally understand your situation. My whole blog is about this exact same thing. I have been dating, engaged and now married to my dr. husband for a total of almost 9 years. I have gone through all the ups and downs starting in medical school through residency. It gets easier to be alone. Finding your own passions and friendships helps a lot. Being cool with just chilling by yourself and your thoughts helps also. In the end, it gets easier, but will always be something you deal with I think. Feel free to check in with my blog. Would like to hear how you are doing in time!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wooahh nice. I’m so happy that you have gotten in touch, I don’t know many people who are in the same situation. Congrats on the 9 years :). You’re absolutely right, you do get more used to being alone, it’s not always fun, but it’s worth it. My husband is back out again for 3 months (we are at week 2 so far). Its easier this time, but I would prefer him to be home. Having this blog where I can write is helpful and I’ve been a bit of a spring cleaning rampage at the moment, so it been good. 🙂

      Like

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