What the f**k was that?
Since living on my own during the week, I have become much more paranoid of noises. And when I do hear them, there is a moment where I imagine a masked, knife wielding intruder in the house. This. Has. Never. Happened.
And I hope it never does! It better not otherwise I simultaneously be pissed off at the universe and terrified by the masked, knife welding intruder.
If you want a little background into why we haven’t been able to live together, you can read my previous post here.
The expectation from society is that newly weds live together. But we know that this isn’t true for everyone. In recent years there’s also been a trend of the Internet screaming ‘ be independent, you don’t need that boy’ at girls when they miss their partners. But you know what? That boy (a’hem… Man) is my husband, and I do need him. Humans are social creatures and I’m not ashamed to say that I need him, he is the only person in this world that makes me feel complete and there nothing wrong with needing another person (provided its not detrimental).
For the past 3 months since he’s been gone, I haven’t been sleeping that well. For context, when he’s home, I can fall asleep within minutes. I would happily go to bed at 9pm to hang out and cool down with a video, only to find out in the morning that I had fallen asleep while watching said video.
But in his absence, I would lie awake in bed for what felt like hours, unable to sleep. I would toss and turn for what felt like hours. This is how I used to fall asleep pre-husband and thus used to be my norm.
I find the noises and bumps in the night put me on high alert. There was one night a few weeks ago that I awoke to an extremely loud crashing noise. I panicked and tried to control my breathing. After listening to the noises a bit longer, I could hear music and people cheering. To my relief, it turned out to just be a party at my neighbours house.
We also have an Alexa at home, if you don’t know what an Alexa is, it is basically just home tech or think of it as an extreme version of Siri. One night, while I was cooking dinner, the Alexa in our bedroom suddenly started talking… I was so freaked out. But I know that if he was home with me, I would have felt safe, I wouldn’t have taken 10 minutes to muster up the courage to investigate, I would have just yelled ‘STUPID ALEXA’ or ‘SHUT UP ALEXA’ and carried on with my cooking.
Its strange, I am an only child, so being alone isn’t new to me. But I feel as if my husband is the other half of my soul, a soul that I didn’t realise was incomplete before I met him. I don’t know if that makes sense to anybody else…
I tend to wake up hours before he does on the weekend, and just feeling his presence in the house is enough (yes, even as he unconsciously lies in bed).
P.s. Today is the day he moves back home!
There is a small caveat though, he his exams coming up. So he will be home late. But that’s OK, I’m just glad that I can fall asleep next to him.